


Escaping from Poachers

by StariWolfe



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Adventure, Escape, Gen, Humor, Slice of Life, idk what tags to put here, the lads escape from some baddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29528619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StariWolfe/pseuds/StariWolfe
Summary: Tataru sends the Warriors of Light on errands when they get caught by poachers! How will they escape?
Kudos: 2





	Escaping from Poachers

**Author's Note:**

> i need to write more platonic adventures so here you go

“So, how are we going to get out of this?”

“Workin’ on it.”

“Hurry up, Vess! Who knows when the guards will be back…Gah, what flicked my ear?”

“That was my tail, sorry. Trying to see if I can mess with the ropes at all.”

“This is a bloody disaster.” Vesper sighed as she looked over her friends in the cell with her. She, Altair, Lemon, and Ellywen had been running some errands for Tataru (in other words, treasure hunting in the Shroud for things to sell) when they ran afoul of a gang of poachers. Originally, the plan was to avoid them, because as much as the group hated poachers, they hadn’t the time to deal with them. Plus, they could always tell the Wood Wailers or the Adders where they were sighted and send them in to deal with them.

But plans changed when Lemon all but threw herself into the group of poachers, making them scatter.

Once again, the remainder of the team made a plan: Lemon was a veritable army on her own, so they’d let her deal with the poachers while they scoured the area for any treasure that the bandits had left behind. It wasn’t stealing if they took it from illegal poachers and bandits, right?

And, once again, their plans were tossed out the window when _a much larger number of poachers_ emerged from everywhere around the Warriors of Light, throwing them into disarray. The team made a valiant final stand in the center of the gang, but the sheer numbers of the poachers overwhelmed them thoroughly. The quartet was knocked unconscious and carried off to the criminals’ hideout.

And that’s where they found themselves now. Once they’d awoken, the leader explained to them (quite proudly, Vesper thought) their plan to ransom the four Warriors, and had them imprisoned until they either got bored of them or they were taken for an exchange. The four were currently in a cell in the hideout all tied up, with Ellywen and Altair back to back with their hands tied above them, Vesper sitting on the floor with her hands behind her back, and Lemon completely hogtied since she was the one who did the most damage to the poachers.

“Can you imagine the humiliation if this gets out? ‘Four famed Warriors of Light, laid low by poachers.’” Altair was clearly trying to lighten the mood a bit, as everyone was a bit sour that their fortune had allegedly run out.

“Oh, Gods, we don’t need that. Our mates won’t let us hear th’ end of it if this news gets out.” Vesper, unbeknownst to their captors, had been tied up enough that she had developed ways to untie all but the most complex knots, and was currently working her way through the ones on her wrists. “Can ya bloody imagine Thancred an’ Estinien hearin’ about this? They’d never leave us alone.”

“ _Please don’t tell Est_.” Lemon, from her place on the floor, was ruby red at the thought of her lover seeing her in this position. “Also, I’m really sore…”

“If we get out of this fast enough, they won’t know and you’ll be less sore. Any luck, Vess?” Ellywen was very clearly tired and very much irritated, but Vesper thought she was trying her best to keep it in check. “Ack, Altair! Stop flicking my ear!”

“I’m not even near your ear! It must be some fuzz from my tail, it’s not my fault that I’m fluffy.” Altair, indignant at Ellywen’s content, actually flicked his tail at her ear that time. “That one was intentional though.”

“Why you-”

“Anyway! Altair, can your kitty-cat ears hear anythin’? Any guards comin’?” Vesper had nearly undone the knots on the ropes at her wrists, and the last thing she needed was for a guard to come and retighten them. Her miqo’te friend closed his eyes for a moment before wiggling his ears at her.

“All I hear is drunk yelling down the hall. I think they’re so confident we can’t escape that they may not bother.”

“Don’t put that idea in my mind, I’ll get too confident.” Vesper gave the ropes a tug and sighed happily when they came loose. “Alright, I’m free. Let me get you lot out an’ we’ll hightail it out o’ here.”

“Y’know, you’ve been getting tied up a lot lately, Vesper.” Altair poked fun at her as she untied him. His claws would be useful for getting Lemon out of that mess of ropes.

“An’ not in th’ fun way.” 

“...What?” Vesper freed Altair and let him help Lemon while she moved on to Ellywen, who looked as if she was thoroughly confused at Vesper’s last comment.

“Not important. Anyway, I’ve got t’ get this lock open, you lot think about where they might’ve put our things.” Vesper began to find the tumblers of the lock with her trusty lockpick as the others began their planning. The poachers’ hideout was nestled in a series of caves, and all of the ‘rooms’ were natural formations within the cave system. They’d seen the ‘mess hall’ and the ‘audience room’ on the way to their cell, so naturally their belongings had to be in some side room.

All four of them, especially Altair, winced at the sudden explosion of volume from down the hall. Hopefully, their captors’ drunkenness would prove an advantage to the friends in their escape.

“Vesper, can you use your Echo now? Maybe sense how many we’re up against?” Ellywen’s suggestion was a sound one, and Vesper tried to reach out with her Echo. Unfortunately, her head began to ache as she sensed her friends around her, and she had to stop. Apparently getting knocked out made it painful to use her Echo for a bit.

“No, sorry. Hurts too much, still. In other news,” The end of her sentence was punctuated with the click of the lock. “Lock is open. We ready t’ go?”

“I am, and I also had a thought. An idea, if you will.” Everyone looked at Altair, who happened to be wearing a shite-eating grin. “Tataru wanted some treasure to sell, aye? Y’know, these bastards probably have some coffers somewhere…”

...He had a point.

“Oh, you’re right! And y’know…” Vesper felt herself begin to grin as she spoke. “Once we report them, these lads won’t have a need for it. And who knows what else they have...”

“Are you two _honestly_ thinking about thieving from thieves?” Ellywen looked at the gremlin pair in disbelief. “Don’t we have some more _pressing_ things to deal with?”

“Are we gonna go or not? We can do all that, but let’s _go_!” Lemon was apparently more feral than usual today, as she was trying to push past everyone else and get to the door. Thankfully, none of the others let her pass.

“Mate, that’s what got us in this situation. Breathe for a minute.” Vesper took a look through the bars, gauging the activity of their captors. “We can’t rush this or we’ll just end up back in th’ cell, tied up much more thoroughly.”

“Right, right. I’ll follow your lead then.” Lemon, realizing Vesper had a point, stepped back a bit and let the others creep out of the door first.

Down the hall, the bandits were celebrating their capture of the adventures and the money that it would get them, or so they thought. Many of the drunkards had fallen to the floor, lulled to sleep by the alcohol in their systems. Vesper gave a quick signal to Altair and, working quickly, the two pulled four of the bandits into the hallway and then to the cell. In a matter of minutes, they’d stripped the bastards down to their smallclothes and tied them up in the cell, using extra ropes to gag them in case they woke up.

“Can I switch with someone? These are too big for me…” Lemon messed with the worn fabric that nearly swallowed her.

“Bandits rarely wear things that fit, mate. Usually they cut their clothes down t’ size, so that’ll work jus’ fine.” Vesper said while helping Altair into his getup, dusting a bit of dirt on his face to hide his freckles.

“Ah doubt that there’s much ta worry ‘boot! We’ll jus’ waltz right on oot o’ here!” Ellywen tried her hand at an...accent of some kind, but Vesper decided to nip that in the bud.

“Ellywen, do me a favor an’ let me do th’ talkin’. Your accent sounds faker than Lolorito during diplomatic talks.” Vesper finished fitting everyone, and turned to address them all. “Follow my lead. If I need backup, Altair is th’ one who talks ‘cuz Elly is too proper an’ Lemon can’t lie worth a damn. We clear?” Everyone nodded, and the friends began their escape. Working their way to the mess hall, Vesper walked over to one of the more drunken bandits that was still awake.

“Oi, there’s more booze left, aye? And what’d we do with the bastards’ stuff? Me an’ me lot missed th’ fun.”

“There’s some left in th’ mess. Wanna take a gander at the spoils, yeah? Down that hall, t’ th’ right.” Vesper tried not to gag at smelling the alcohol on his breath. She liked her booze, too, but damn, at least she had some self restraint nowadays.

“Aye, that we do. Thanks fer yer help.” 

“‘Ang on, do I know you…?” Vesper felt her heart rate spike at Ellywen’s step forward, looking ready to go back into her horrible accent, but Altair stepped in to answer the poacher.

“Ya must be drunker than ya look, mate. We’ve run with this lot fer years, and ye don’t recognize us?”

“Aye, good point. See ya in the next run.” The bandit, looking as if he’d completely forgotten the group after that, went to the wall and flopped onto the floor, instantly falling asleep.

“...I’ve heard of folks that drink themselves ta sleep, but this is ridiculous. Anyway, let’s go ‘take a gander’ at th’ spoils, mates.” Looking around for the hallway pointed out, Vesper soon found it and began making her way through the drunken poachers towards it.

“You should have let me answer him! I can act like a bandit!” Ellywen was wearing a smug grin, clearly enjoying Vesper’s annoyance at her terrible bandit voice.

“Aye, but I don’t think I feel like gettin’ tied up by this lot again if it didn’t work.”

It didn’t take long for them to find their belongings once they’d gotten the information from the bandits, and no one was guarding the stores because no one thought that anyone would charge into the lion’s den of the ones who’d captured Warriors of Light.

And, much to everyone’s pleasant surprise, there was a veritable treasure trove of valuables that the bandits had stockpiled that they could...liberate.

“I still think we should just get out of here instead of this…” Ellywen voiced her concerns of carrying large bags of various valuables out of the hideout and into the woods, but Vesper could tell she was mostly joking.

“Aye, I know, Elly. Here’s another sack for ya.” They’d filled three sacks so far, and had a fourth near ready, when someone came into the room. Thankfully, they were very clearly deep in their cups.

“Hey...who are you lot…?” Once again, Ellywen nearly answered before Vesper spoke up.

“Got some orders from th’ boss. Bastard Wailers and Adders may be onta us, and we’re gonna move this stuff somewhere safe.” Vesper dearly, _dearly_ hoped that he’d buy it; she really didn’t want to knock him out and leave him in his smallclothes somewhere so obvious.

Thankfully, the bandit apparently accepted the answer before falling asleep where he stood. Vesper wished she could fall asleep that easily.

“...I wish that was me.” Lemon grabbed two of the large bags of loot, ready to leave the dank cave.

“Lemon, you can do the same thing. I’ve seen you fall asleep by just closing your eyes.” Altair’s ears were flattened on his head; he’d clearly seen this happen before.

“Can we leave now?” Hefting a bag on her shoulder, Ellywen was clearly done with the entire situation and the poachers. “And you should have let me deal with that one! He was _clearly_ drunk enough to believe in anything.”

“Better safe than sorry, mate. Tell ya what, as penance, you can talk like that all ya want when we get back to Mor Dhona.” Reaching for the final bag only to find Altair had swiped it, Vesper began to head in the direction of the alleged exit. “Wind is comin’ from this way, so the entrance should be this way.” And thankfully, she was right. The fresh forest air was a relief to her lungs; the dusty cave system was not pleasant for her.

“Hey, Vess, we have some extra rope, yeah? I’ve an idea.” Vesper nodded as she traded Altair’s bag for the aforementioned rope. “Head on to Quarrymill without me. I’m just going to...set something up really quick.”

“Sure thing. C’mon, you two.” The three continued on their way to Quarrymill, which was not too far if Vesper’s sense of direction was correct. She was right, and the ladies informed the Wood Wailers as they waited for Altair to return from whatever he’d been doing. They left to deal with the bandits as he returned, and he took the bag he handed to Vesper as they continued on their way to Mor Dhona.

“So what exactly did you do, mate? That was no small amount o’ rope ya took.”

“You’ll hear about it soon, I’m sure.”

\---

“Good news, everyone! The treasure you took from those bandits sold! Our coffers are looking rather nice for the time being!” Tataru was very clearly pleased with herself; the items that her favorite Warriors of Light had brought back sold for a pretty gil, they’d found, and it had taken a few days for them to sell.

“Good. That misadventure turned out well, then.” Vesper didn’t even look up from the newsletter she was reading; she, as well as the others, had been trying to forget out their embarrassing capture. They’d kept the details of the kidnapping under wraps, but Tataru being Tataru had somehow found out and was using it to send the friends on more errands for her.

“Indeed it did! Oh, and I heard that the Wailers finally caught the last of the poachers! They’ll not be causing trouble any time soon!” The lalafell walked off with a spring in her step; Vesper figured she was probably thinking about all the lovely food she could feed them or the clothes she could make them with that money.

She startled a bit as Altair plopped himself into the chair beside her, having come back some time ago from one of Tataru’s errands.

“Welcome back, mate. You finished makin’ out with Raha? Any news t’ tell?” The blush that crossed his face told her that her first question was correct, and his shite-eating grin said that he _did_ have some news to share.

“Aye, remember how I took that rope for an idea I had when we escaped?” Vesper nodded. “Well, in the news today it told of how the Wailers had found the bandits all tangled up in a trap right outside their front door, which means my idea worked.” The miqo’te covered his ears as the rogue burst into laughter. That was the best thing she’d heard all week.

“Amazin’. Simply amazin’. You’ll have t’ teach me how t’ set that one. Here, have somethin’ sweet t’ get your energy back. Tell me all about it…” The two sat within the Rising Stones, learning how to set a multitude of traps and how to possibly prevent Tataru from using the information of their capture against them.


End file.
